he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
