So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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