wanna go halves on a baby?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
