u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And then my night got REAL pukey
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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