dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
