Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
