I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
