he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
