My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
