btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he fucked my hip out of place.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
