The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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