I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
