The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
