ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
