i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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