either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
