Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
