yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
