So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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