I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
