In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize