dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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