What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
