please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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