wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize