We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
