This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize