I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
