the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
