nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
and you said cock pushups were impossible
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
