just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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