Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
