I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
