"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Houston, we have a blender
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
