I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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