Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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