She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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