How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
