You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
