i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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