he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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