i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
