Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
