ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
