Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You took a bar mat shot.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
