i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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