Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Be still, my beating vagina.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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