If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
