Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
