I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
