Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
