love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
