What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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