I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
