No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
