Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
