I just threw up on my dentist
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
