Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
