Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
