if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
