I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
