what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
