Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
