Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
