i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
