YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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