Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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