I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
