She went from zero to smokin in five shots
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
