I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
