someone get that fucking seahorse.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
