my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
