I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
