We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
