actually, I'm a sock model
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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