Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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