69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
