remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so let's talk penis.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
