I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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