They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
