i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
