He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
