Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
