in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
