there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize