That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
