i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
