I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
