If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
