Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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