Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
