Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
where am i from again
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
