Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
